Beach Clarity
I had alot of clarity at the beach and since that trip I have a sense of "me" back. I missed getting to see Brad and Calvin, but I did not have the fallout I was expecting this time. My anxiety was more rooted into the way Ken was treating me and then something wonderful happened. My brain connected alot of dots and i just feel like i was finally able to remove the "mask" i have felt i have not been able to remove for so long. the mask that was partly keeping me from being with Cal. I remember having to be this perfect little girl all the time so no one would yell, scream, fight or anything. This "mask" became my survival tool. So long as i shut up and sat pretty, nothing bad would happen. That was unrealistic and distorted. I ended up being taught and conditioned to abandon myself and who i was to make others happy. As long as they were happy with me, i was worthy of love. That is the biggest distorted thought i believe i carried. That i was incapable o...